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Friday, February 7, 2014

Women Who are Single, No Offense

I have so many friends who are getting married or have become engaged in the last year that it got me wondering, why do some people not marry? And why are some people just flat out not in a relationship? I think many factors are involved, including the person, when determining why someone isn’t in a relationship or married. I have two friends who have openly said they just do not want to get married. Both are in committed relationships and live with their boyfriends, so it is not like they are single and saying “I don’t want to get married” to protect themselves or to save themselves from having to say why they are single. I think other women come on too strong, as soon as they start dating a guy they tell everyone” he’s the one” and “we are going to get married,” then 6 months to a year later the relationship is over and she has no idea why. Very few women like this take a look at their past relationships and realize they have said the same thing about every guy they have dated. I think very few women want to admit it’s not them, it is you. While researching, I discovered that the average age for women to marry is about 26 or 27 and for men it is 29. I also found many articles on “why you aren’t married” from every point of view: married women on single women, single women explaining why they are single, even men on why women are single. All were interesting, but I must say some where more honest than others. When I say honest, I mean they lay it all out and take responsibility for their faults, failures, successes, and are honest about why they or women are single. There are a plethora of articles out there on single women, written by single women saying they are single because men can’t handle a strong, independent, intelligent woman. Look, here is the deal on that, you are kidding yourself and making excuses. There are plenty of men who want a strong, independent woman with a thought in her had, and if anything, saying no man in the world out there can handle that is disrespectful to men and all the married couples out there, women included. I mean come on, there is no way there are that many happily married couples out there with women who are complete idiots. Articles written from this perspective are just bull shit and the only people who believe them are other insecure women like the writer who are trying to comfort themselves. The best example I can think for this subject is the movie, He’s Just Not That in to You. The movie opens by saying women screw up other women when it comes to men and relationships from a very early age. Like when a boy pushes a girl down on the playground and her mom tells her it is because he likes you. Maybe he just pushed you down because he is an ass or wanted to get to the slid first. Or when women are older and the guy breaks up with her and the girl’s friends say, “oh, you’re too good for him” or “he is threatened by you.” Guess what, chances are, he just isn’t that in to you because if he was, he’d deal with it, whatever it is. You’d be amazed at what guys will deal with and accept when they love a woman and want to be with her. My mother once told me anyone can get married, and you know what, I believe her because I have seen it many times. John and I had a long discussion about this idea the other night and he agreed as well. We both think that if you find a guy who is ready to settle down and is “rip for marriage” he will marry you if your agreeable and he can get along with you well enough. Finding a man who is ready for marriage can be key factor, whether it ends happily or not is a different discussion, but the point is, anyone can get married. I am not trying to be negative here, because I feel a lot women and men out there just don’t want to get married, but if you do and you are saying things like, I’m too focused on my career or my life is very full right now, people aren’t buying it. My husband and I met in law school and we dated and maintained a very healthy relationship for his 3 years of law school, plus the time I was there before switching to a master’s program, and while trying to start our professional lives. All this time was very stressful and trying, we were both very busy with different things and goals, but we made it work. If you want a relationship and to be married, you can have one, but if you are single, I think you need to take a look at yourself first and figure out why you are single, why your relationships don’t last, and why nothing seems to move forward. Here are a few articles I found interesting. I hope this helps some people out and is interesting reading for others. Enjoy! http://www.huffingtonpost.com/tracy-mcmillan/why-youre-not-married_b_822088.html http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/valley-girl-brain/201302/why-you-arent-married-yet http://www.chicagonow.com/fanning-flames-since-1978/2013/08/the-things-that-keeps-a-woman-single/