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Friday, July 23, 2010

mexican hat dance

There are many theories out there about how to "cure" depression. exercise, perscriptions, close circle of friends and or family etc. i don't believe some things can be over come, except with time. For about the last month, i have been really....well, i'll just come right out and say it, heartbroken. I don't really believe there is anything that can be done to fix heartbreak. I view it like a vase that has been smashed. While you can glue the pieces back together so it appears to the naked eye to be good as new, add a little water to the vase and that water is going to drip/leak out of the vase.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that this guy either has no idea that he hurt me or that he knows and just doesn't care. Part of me thinks he does not know because he has done nothing to alievate the pain. My common sense tells me that he does know he hurt me and that is why he no longer comes in to visit when I am at work, he walks right past my office and straight out the door. Last night I went out to Sullivan's and he was there. I know he saw me because he walked past me four times, looked right at me several times, and never once said "hello". I finally got up and went to talk to him. I guess yet again I had to act like an adult or that his actions did not bother me even though they do. i really am sad about the whole situation. Everytime I see him with his Jersey Shore ho girl my stomach drops and I want to cry. I talked to a couple of my friends who know them both and even they say she looks like a slut. One of my really sweet friends told me they were both at the pool party and Jersey Shore was running around with barley any clothing. Apparently, people were talking about how slutty she looked. This friend that told me this story I really do trust completely. While I do find some comfort in that, I am still upset. I suppose it is a good thing I am moving in a week, then I won't have to watch him do a mexican hat dance on my heart anymore.

In other news, I am also sad that my friend Andrew moved to Calli. I am so happy for him because he got a job in a field he really loves and has an interest in, but I wish he was still here. selfish on my part i know. but i truly am happy for him