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Saturday, March 28, 2009

The Dressing Room

“How is everything coming in there? Do you need any different sizes or colors?”
“yes I do! Just a minute”

The fitting room door flies open and standing in front of me is a woman in her prime, prime being 56 years old, and naked. Yes, naked. Great, now on top of having to deal with the 50 items in the fitting room she won’t buy, I have to see this complete stranger naked. Do all people get that wrinkly?

“Sorry I’m naked, but I had a few questions and I didn’t want you to run off”

I want to say, well I would have waited for you to put on pants and a shirt or at least a shirt so I wouldn’t have to stare at your sagging breasts and wonder if the weight gives you back pain. No, I can’t say that.. Instead…

“oh no worries. It doesn’t bother me at all. What can I get for you?”
“I was just wondering about this shirt here. How is it supposed to fit? I can’t decide if I need a size up or not, I mean is it supposed to be fitted or lose or what? And what about these pants? Do they look good on or what? Maybe I should put it on so you can see.”
“Sure! (said with more enthusiasm than I really have) I will gladly wait right here and give you my opinion.” Translation, maybe you should have put it on before you opened the door.

Six pairs of breasts and four vaginas later my shift is over and I get to finally go home. After four years of working in retail, I have seen so many breasts and vaginas I consider myself to be a gynecologist. I have never quiet been able to grasp what compels a person trying on clothes to take off their clothes and then open the door and ask about the clothing they were just trying on. At first I thought, maybe they just want to show off their bodies or nice undies, or just did not realize they had taken their clothes off, not completely true. I have seen both great bodies and some, well; some I could have gone the rest of my life without seeing. I have also be held the mighty power of the last pair of underwear. Everyone knows and has this underwear. It is the very last pair of underwear that does not see the light of day until there is no other pair of underwear left in the drawer and for whatever reason laundry has not been done. Most people understand that this particular pair of underwear is to be worn while one takes care of the dirty laundry. I have lost count of the granny panties I have seen.