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Thursday, February 12, 2009

sunshine on a spotless mind

today i kept having my mind wander back to 2006, and i hate that it did. 2006 was not the best year for me by any means. I loath i let myself be so carried back because then i felt hurt and angry all over again. I know i need to let go, but i can't seem to. The things that upset me may seem trivial to others, but to me they cut very deeply. i think that is why you can't always tell people to move on from a situation, because even though it seems small to you, to the person suffering it is large. Yes, there are somethings that need to be forgotten, but not everything can. A broke heart doesn't mend over night, trust can be lost in a matter of minutes and take a life time to earn back.

Here's is my question, should i continue to dwell, randomly, on the fact that i was never taken to play with the kittens at the house, but you took someone else instead? Is it possible to forget that your name and hers are forever written in ink on together on a family's wedding picture? that can't be taken down. Do i tolerate the friendship you have and think oh well, its only a friendship, i need not be concerned about how close of friends they are and have been. its just a personality click right?.........right?

i think jealousy is a hard thing to over come. its never easy, i assume that is why its considered a vice. I am not jealous of people in anyway, i am only jealous of what she got to do with you and what you told her months before you told me. the time you spent with her and her boyfriend, instead of hanging out with me. I told you I wanted to hang out or I wanted you to stay, you would say i'll be back and then come late at night. its like you were embarrassed to be my friend or be with me. its hard to move on from feeling like that. i am trying to. i really am. i am happy now with my life and my wonderful boyfriend